


Introduction to Confessing

by adreu



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Mention of alcohol, Post-Episode: s5e4 Cooperative Polygraphy, i wrote this at 3am when i couldn’t sleep so it’s all over the place, it’s kinda sad and short i’m sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27961280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adreu/pseuds/adreu
Summary: “I kind of always suspected it, you know,” Abed says that night, once they’re finally back in the apartment.Troy looks up at him. His eyes are a little fuzzy. “Suspected what?”“The handshake.”Troy’s face flushes, sheepish. It’s dark in the apartment, but Abed can still tell. Troy looks pretty with some color in his cheeks.In other words, Abed has to tell Troy before it’s too late.
Relationships: Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 7
Kudos: 86





	Introduction to Confessing

“I kind of always suspected it, you know,” Abed says that night, once they’re finally back in the apartment. 

(They’re both a little drunk. The shots they did with the polygrapher went straight to Abed’s head. He’s always been a bit of a lightweight. Annie drove them home and locked herself in her bedroom almost immediately. If Abed listens hard enough, he can hear her snoring quietly through the paper-thin walls.)

Really, he only says it because it’s the elephant in the room. Well, it’s the smaller elephant. Abed never wants to touch the real elephant, the big elephant, the soul-crushing, heart-wrenching, holy-shit-is-this-what-dying-feels-like elephant. If he ignores it hard enough, it’ll go away, right? 

Right?

Troy looks up at him. His eyes are a little fuzzy. “Suspected what?”

“The handshake.”

Troy’s face flushes, sheepish. It’s dark in the apartment, but Abed can still tell. Troy looks pretty with some color in his cheeks. 

“Listen, Abed-”

“Wait, I have more to say.”

Troy closes his mouth and looks into Abed’s face patiently, expectantly. He settles down into his worn-out armchair, waiting. 

Abed sits, too, in the other armchair next to Troy’s. 

(Briefly, he remembers the day they got the armchairs. Abed had just asked Troy to move in, Troy enthusiastically agreed, and before he’d even finished unpacking, they’d gone to the nearest thrift store and picked out the comfiest chairs they could find. “Perfect for movie marathons!” Troy had pointed out excitedly. The chairs are older now; they’re worn-down, probably better off in a landfill somewhere.)

He looks over at Troy. Takes a breath. 

“I suspected it because you were too good to be true, Troy. I didn’t think you’d stick around long enough to get close to me. I never thought we’d have whatever this is.”

Troy scoffs in protest at the last sentence, but Abed shushes him and continues.

“In our freshman year, our Season One, at first I thought you were only hanging around me as a joke. It’s happened before, and I had kind of started to expect the worst out of people—especially people like you, the jock, the football star, the top dog. I thought you made the handshake up to make fun of me. I half-expected you and Jeff to be making fun of me behind my back.

“But you weren’t. You outgrew that expectation I’d set up for you so quickly, Troy. I was shocked. I let myself forget about the doubts I had about you, about the handshake, about _us_ , because I wanted it to be real. I wanted what we had to stick, and for a while it did.”

Troy reaches over and flicks on the small lamp sitting on the end table. The warm yellow light illuminates his face. He looks hurt. 

“Buddy, what do you mean ‘it did?’ I’m still here,”

“But you’re leaving.” Abed says, and he says it so plainly, and there it is, ugly and cold and out in the open. The elephant. 

“You’re leaving, Troy, and I don’t wanna talk about it, but we’re going to have to talk about it eventually. I thought you’d stay forever. Everybody else leaves, Troy, but I never thought it would be you.” 

_I trusted you_ , he wants to say. It’s too harsh. He still does trust Troy, but it’s different now. What they have is a little bit bent out of shape. 

Troy doesn’t say anything. He just stares at Abed, a little blank-faced, open-mouthed. His eyes are welling up with tears. Abed knows it’s his fault Troy is crying. The thought makes him want to cry, too. 

“It’s different now, Troy. We both know it. Even if you come back, it’ll be different. I don’t know if it’s bad different or good different or just _different_ yet, but it’s different. I just want it to go back to normal. I miss how we used to be.”

“Abed…” Troy mumbles. “Why do I feel like the other shoe’s about to drop?”

Abed takes a deep breath, rocking back and forth in his armchair, gearing up for what he’s about to say next. “I love you, Troy. I was always too scared to say it, but you’re leaving, and when you’re gone I won’t have to stare up at the ceiling wondering what if, ‘cause you’ll be gone. I know I waited too long to say all of this, because you’re leaving and I missed my chance, and I was scared to ruin what we had and I never really knew how to put it into words, but I love you. Troy, I love you. I think I always have.”

Troy’s crying now, for real. Abed can see him shaking. He’s trying so hard to hold it back. He bites his lip. 

“Can I kiss you?” he finally asks. 

Abed takes a shuddering breath in and nods. 

The kiss is awkward, and clumsy, and tear-stained, and there’s probably too much teeth, but it’s perfect. It’s like Troy is the only thing in the world. Everything else falls away and it’s just Troy’s mouth on his, leaning across the space between their recliners, trying to capture as much of Abed’s mouth with his own as he can. 

When they pull apart, Troy gasps for air and Abed reaches a hand up to his lips. He feels like his heart might beat out of his chest. 

“I think we should go to sleep,” Troy mumbles after a minute or two of stunned silence.

Abed nods, and heads for the blanket fort, but Troy catches his hand and tugs him towards his bedroom. 

They fall asleep in the middle of Troy’s bed, arms tangled together. Troy presses kisses into Abed’s hair as he drifts off.

Abed knows it’s stupid to get too worked up. Troy is leaving. This, this _thing_ that they have is too new and scary and fragile to last. It’s an unfinished manuscript, a television pilot that’ll never make it to the air. 

But it’s a beginning. And Abed thinks he’s okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! if you wanna scream about troy n abed with me, come find me on twitter @REMEDIALCHA0S :)


End file.
